Monday, March 24, 2008

New designer dog breeds:

    Lakeland Terrier
    Lhasa Apso
 + Pointer                      
    La-sa Pointer

    Miniature Pinscher
    Cardigan Welsh Corgi
 + Kerry Blue Terrier          
    Miniature Blue Cardigan

    Great Dane
 + Scottish Terrier         
    Great Scott

    Whippet
    Golden Retriever
 + Bloodhound                
    Whippet Good



.:2 comments | baked by pie at 12.54 PM | permalink:.



Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Pet peeves

Meat products/steakhouses using cheerful animals in their advertising. Like that cow really wants you to eat her, and she won't be happy until her ass has been carved up, cooked and slapped on your plate.

Sideways rain. Gravity is law, damn it.

Pretentious people who use New Jersey instead of Satan's Armpit.

Infomercials that expect me to believe that the vaguely attractive moron in a labcoat is actually a doctor.

Toilet paper that feels like waxed paper. It's supposed to be absorbent. Jebus.

People who are "experts" in useless subjects like yodeling, poltergeists, or the French.

.:2 comments | baked by pie at 9.37 AM | permalink:.



Thursday, March 13, 2008

Not my best efforts, but...

Polar weasel:


Meer cat:


And if anyone's paying attention, I've updated our adoption blog [pops].

.:0 comments | baked by pie at 1.30 AM | permalink:.



Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Jack Kevorkian visits the elderly

It was a dark and stormy afternoon, as Jack swung his 1968 VW Microbus into the handicapped spot of the Shady Pines parking lot. It was Saturday, and visiting hours were in full swing.

He stopped at reception and signed in as Dr. Joseph Gruber, expert in senility, dementia and Alzheimer's. The receptionist told him to have a seat and that the facility director would be with him shortly.

Jack clipped the visitors pass to his suit coat and, ignoring the receptionist's invitation to sit in the lobby, strolled down the hallway away from the common areas, looking for bedrooms still occupied by lonely residents with no family to visit them. He poked his head around the doorframe of room #314 and simpered, "Yoo-hoo! Anyone home?"

After a moment, a frail voice responded, "Just a minute." This was followed by the sound of a toilet flushing and a labored climb back into bed.

Jack smiled to himself. She hadn't even washed her hands. She was clearly pretty far gone, and deserved to be 'set free'.

Moving quickly and quietly from room to room, Jack finally found enough oldsters to fill the seats in his Microbus. He led (or wheeled) them slowly out the back door and around to the van, strapped them all in and sped out of the car park while the Shady Pines staff were still too occupied with visiting families to notice that they were missing.

Some of the seniors were starting to get suspicious by this point, seeing all the other family-less patients in the van. They started to question Jack, who was startled into giving them his real name. Hearing this, the seniors were galvanized into action and the one closest the door reached for the handles, not realizing that they were speeding down the freeway at 65mph. Gasping, he slid the door shut again and fidgeted restlessly with his seatbelt, not knowing what he should do. Others sat and drooled or whined quietly to themselves.

Finally, Jack pulled off the freeway and into a large parking lot which was mostly full. He pulled up to the handicapped spot at the front and stopped the engine. "It's time," he called back to his passengers. "Don't worry about bringing your pocketbooks with you. You won't need them where you're going."

Jack led them in a straggling line up to the large gates and paid the admission. "What would you like to do first? Merry-go-round? Ferris wheel? Maybe some cotton candy?"

The oldsters let out a wheezy cheer and rushed as fast as their failing legs (or wheelchairs) would allow them towards the closest public restroom.

.:0 comments | baked by pie at 8.35 AM | permalink:.



Monday, March 03, 2008

Google applications for real life

1) Blocking annoying coworkers who try to rope you into long, drawn-out conversations about their kids, their relationship troubles, or that time they drank an entire keg in college.

2) Locating your lost keys.

Click for legible version [pops]

3) Blocking door-to-door solicitors trying to sell you magazine subscriptions, Girl Scout cookies, or god.

4) Getting stuff down from a high shelf.

5) Some sort of fridge alarm that warns you that what you're about to eat has expired and is likely to cause an explosive reaction in your pants.



What would you like Google to build an application for?

.:0 comments | baked by pie at 9.50 AM | permalink:.