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Saturday, March 05, 2005

... and a wheelbarrow full of orangutans

I've decided that I will henceforth no longer be an atheist. I've decided to believe in god, and that god will be me. Yup. Supreme Ruler of the Universe. I didn't create the universe (so don't blame me), I'm just going to rule it now. My powers are apparently still ramping up because I don't seem to have as much control as I'd like just yet. But it's coming. Damn it. It's coming.

The main problem seems to be how to get my name out there so other people can worship me. Do I make bumper stickers? Send out billions of spam emails? Take out an ad on late-night TV? Well, I suppose the first thing is to get myself a nametag so I can at least inform those that I see on a daily basis. But that only covers a very small minority of people in general. I need to get my name out there on a larger scale. The largest scale, in fact - worldwide. Maybe I should try a many-pronged attack including infomercials, skywriting and a reality show featuring my antics 24 scintillating hours a day.

I've also come to the conclusion that if there is a hell, when I die I'm going to be greeted by a bunch of guys in red pajamas who would like nothing more than to spend eternity jabbing me with pointy sticks.

.:4 comments | baked by pie at 1.47 AM | permalink:.