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Sunday, February 22, 2009

Creature Feature

Seven months ago, I imparted all the great wisdom I'd gained from having been a parent for three months [pops]. Now that it's been a full ten months since having acquired this adorable little demon in toddler's clothing, I thought I'd share a few more important and insightful things I've learned since becoming a parent.

* Dogs and children are rivals for parental affection and will fight to the death to receive it, if given the chance.

* Xander will never miss the opportunity for a group hug. If Rob and I are in any way touching, he will always horn in on the action, usually managing to grope one or the other of us inappropriately at the same time.

* It's possible to work yourself up into a screaming, frothing frenzy over just about anything. If you do it right you can even get the dogs worked up so that everyone in a 3-block radius will be able to benefit from the screeching and barking extended remix.

* Xander will repeat whatever it is he's just said until you either repeat it or acknowledge it, no matter how inane. Example: "Doggie!" he cries, holding up his stuffed seeing eye dog toy. Two seconds later, "Doggie!" A further 5 seconds later, "Mummy! Doggie!" as he shoves the mangy thing in my face. When I finally say, "Yes, Xander, that's a doggie," he'll move onto the next thing on his list.

* I never thought I'd be so ecstatic about anyone taking a dump in the proper place.

* Toddlers really can't hold up their end of a telephone conversation.

* Toddlers have some sort of unnatural radar that tells them whenever you're getting dressed or undressed. Although I have a sneaking suspicion that Rob's using Xander as a scout to report back when I'm unclothed and vulnerable to ambush.

* If a toddler has been mining for nose gold and you tell him to stop, he will immediately try to shove the offending finger in your ear, eye or mouth.

* If you laugh at something, your toddler will laugh right along with you, even though he has no idea what's funny. They're the ultimate audience for a failed stand-up comedian.

* Peeling a screaming toddler off your leg is harder than it looks.



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